There goes the neighborhood. Dirty rotten Vikings used metal helmets with horns to intimidate the English and rob the Irish of their whiskey and women. Until that fateful day when...

A: An Irish girl gone wild
B: Viking girls with big horns...

"Can I touch your horns," teased a buoyant Irish girl. Living up to the reputation of the boorish Viking had become so passé. In fact, the Vikings and the Irish were begining to make nice, until that fateful day when...

A: An Irish girl gone wild
B: Viking girls with big horns...

An Irish girl gone wild was caught with her head in the king's whiskey. "T'was not I," she hiccupped, pointing to her Viking lover. "Must we engage in a bloody battle to preserve our women and whiskey?" the Irish king roared. Just then, a toothless boatswain cried out, "No guts, no whiskey."

These famous words and an empty whiskey cask ignited The Battle of Clontarf.

A: Take that
B: The Vikings' secret weapon

Viking girls with big horns became all the rage. Lady Gormlaith, the Viking with the biggest horns, married the Irish King Boru. When the king's boatswain accused Lady G of uncorking another man's whiskey, she became drunk with rage and called the king a "Girdle wearing Irish ninny."

These famous words and an empty whiskey cask ignited The Battle of Clontarf.

A: Take that
B: The Vikings' secret weapon

"Take that," roared the Irish King Boru, summoning his powers to rain whiskey on the heads of Viking soldiers. The Battle of Clontarf began with a belch. Wild on whiskey, the Vikings began drinking from their helmets.

Would the Vikings be able to weather the whiskey storm?...

A: Liquored and licked
B: And I would have gotten away with it too

The Viking secret weapon was a military genius named Brodir who sent news to the Irish king that Viking forces were surrendering. Hoping the Irish troops would be duped, the Vikings began drinking whiskey in anticipation of their victory.

But, would the Irish be so easily licked?...

A: Liquored and licked
B: And I would have gotten away with it too

Liquored and licked, the Vikings could barely lift their weapons. Most retreated in their longships. Those left behind shed their armor and swam home in their skivvies. Without so much as raising a sword, the Irish defeated the Vikings in The Battle of Clontarf.

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And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for the damn whiskey, thought the Viking general. King Boru led his men to victory. But, in a surprising twist of fate, the king was slain by the Viking Brodir. With a sword and cross in hand, King Boru died nobly in the Battle of Clontarf.

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